I Will Love Again

Shattered. That’s how I felt in that instance, everything I’d known came crumbling down in front of me. The love I had fading away, my paint drying up, the ink in my pen leaking out, my voice cracking.

“To love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed” – Cassandra Claire

All of me feels numb to the core. As I see you in another’s arms. I know not what to do anymore. A love I thought to be mine, was all along someone else’s? Fate truly is a cruel mistress.

I wish to move forward, to forget, to heal. But I can’t do it if I continue to think of you as I do. I no longer sing to you anymore… I sing to your friend. Does he tell you of my despair? Does he tell you of the pain in my voice? Without you here, I speak to the moon, he’s all I have left of you.

“Why wasn’t I good enough?” I shout to the heavens. It’s frustrating to still, I pull at my hair, I want to hate you. I really do. But I can’t. All that time I spent with you, all those moments we’ve shared.

You were my muse for the longest time. So much of my art is inspired by you. I can’t just let that go, so how do I? How do I throw away everything I’ve known about love and my art just like that?

Let me, love, let me feel once again. Let me get lost once more in your eyes, I wish to become so intoxicated I forget how to breathe.

If this is what I must feel to have a taste of your love, then death is not my demise. Death will be my bliss. I try to write once again, this time of someone other than you. I think I may have found a new muse. Someone who can sympathize with what’s left of my broken heart.

02:00 am, I begin. I let the night consume me and get lost in it, my pen guides my heart as it weeps. And it cries as the ink leaves my pen and stains the paper underneath.

I didn’t manage to write much. But, it was enough. Enough to make me realize not to pine for something when I could get much better. If it is meant to be, it will be so. I just hope you’re happy and loved. Because I want to be, and I won’t let this stop me.

I will live, and I will love again. This is goodbye, for now, maybe we’ll meet again someday. But for now, this is it.

You were like an unexpected storm on a perfect day, leaving destruction in your wake. And I was utterly, and inexplicably in love with you. But I can’t wait for something that may never happen, so I will live for me, no longer for you.

Not worrying about you is going to take some getting used to. Not loving you is taking some getting used to. But I will succeed.

You shattered me, but I’m learning to pick the pieces back up again. And I will be whole once again.