Lost

I’m lost. At this point I honestly don’t know where the heck I am, where I’m going, what am I even doing anymore? I’m not happy, that much I’m certain of. I’m not content with where I am in life and I want to change that. Question is, how? How does one find out what they want from life, and how do they get there?

 

A few months ago, one of my teachers asked my class some very important questions:

What do you want?

Why do you want it?

How will you achieve it?

 

And that really stuck with me. What do I want? I’ve been racking my brain for a bit, I’ve been pulling at my hair trying to come to a conclusion. But, I can’t find anything. Initially, when he’d asked these questions, my answer had been very straight forward: happiness. I wanted to be happy.

 

But, that doesn’t feel like enough anymore. I look around me, so many people without knowing what they truly want, they’re content. Just as many actually know what they want from this life and they’re striving towards it. I’ve been in both boats I suppose, at one point I had a goal but life played its hand and it turned out to be a better one than what I had. That goal changed. And now I’m a little lost, roaming without a purpose, in my pursuit of happiness.

 

All I need to know now, is this pursuit worth it? Struggling, dragging myself forward, hoping and praying for a solution somewhere. I just want this to be over. But I guess life can’t really be that easy, can it? Nothing worth having is earned without pain, through the pain we grow, through the pain we learn. But no one said the pain would be more than just the throbbing in my heart. No one told me the pain would slowly start working its way into my brain, my heart of hearts.

 

Slowly poisoning my thoughts. Killing my imagination. And well here I am, without a purpose, my art drying up and dying as my emotions already have just lost in this dreary existence I call my life now.

It’s getting tedious waking up every single day, the same mundane routine no real reason for following it just doing it for the sake of having some semblance of purpose just so I don’t feel as lost as I know I am. It’s weird, I’m not sad but I’m not happy either. Oddly enough, I think a quote from Winnie The Pooh of all people might just sum up what I’m feeling “I’m not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.”

 

The only difference being, Pooh knew where he was, I don’t. Heaven knows what this life has in store for me, all I guess we can really do is wait and see. Make this life a life worth living even if we do get lost along the way.